Thoughts and Feelings
Prelude
I wrote this some years ago for VNV Nation Empire
I could express it better now, but if I was to rewrite everything I've ever written, well, I wouldn't do anything new in my life...
I keep it with the original comments and the original references to my girlfriend that time. People who knew me by 2002 would prefer it that way.
Thoughts & Feelings
I was thinking on the subject for years, and, after some recent conclusions, I felt that I should express my opinion on something that seems so important to my way – of – living.
Many people (including many of you) consider thinking and feeling two separate things that often collide. I don’t: I believe that, at least as far as it concerns me, every decision based on thought
is influenced by what we call feelings (for example, all actions concerning what is good or bad are also based in our instincts about what we call good) and all feelings can have, or be influenced by,
one or more reasonable causes (at least I think I see one). Don’t forget that there is only one point decisions originate from: mind – where feelings and thoughts are one.
Even if I do very very often things that most people think I do by instinct or open heart , I know there is a lot of thought behind them: except from the two or three thoughts that pass from my mind
in the second between my first idea and its realization, there is a lot of past mind work, which has determined my general way of life and attitudes (I create myself with patience, trying to change me to the
best I think. There is a lot of work to be done still. Well, of course there can be some good different opinions here about the influence of society in the procedure). When I suddenly decide to eat a flower petal,
I had made the thought that: 1)there is no serious danger 2) I am in a mood of experimenting 3) want to “grab the attention” (I don’t say this to myself and don’t really think of it. I just suppose it’s a hidden reason)
4) I don’t dislike being called nuts (past thought-way of life-instinct) 5) I know that it’s something I will remember and laugh. Wow! And it took just 2 seconds the very first time I did it!
I don’t want to destroy our ideals about first-thought actions and feelings (well, maybe I do). I just want to say that I can see no real fight between thoughts and sentiments: every so-called sentiment is reasonable
and should be seriously taken into account when a decision has to be made, but we shouldn’t be ashamed if we include so-called “reasonable thinking” into the procedure. I do many things just because “I like them”,
but I consider this a reasonable cause of doing something. All thoughts have some importance, but “sentiments” are also thoughts with, some times, exceptionally great importance.
I say all that now, that “my” (don’t like much this kind of terms – every person belongs only to himself) elf has made me feel Beloved (hey! It’s not OT after all) and loving,
something that seems strange: but I even consider love a thought: the best thought of all. When I decide that I would give a great portion of myself to her, it was not a dilemma at all,
but there was some kind of “plus minus” thinking (as there always is with me). Plus: 1 AND MOST IMPORTANT) I just like her 2) want to be with her 3) appreciate every aspect of her
4) she makes me smile just by seeing her for a minute per day 5) … 6)…. 7)…. (a very very long list) (also, I want the best for her, but I don’t think it’s a “plus”, because I don’t know if I can often her that. Just I don’t stop trying)
Minus: 1) less time 2) no other girls. Who gives a s*** about so unimportant minus? Not me!! The decision was of course one of the easiest in my life. BUT, I had made, in some moments of my life, one-portion-a-time all this list!
I don’t know if I’m nuts to think that way, but I feel (=suppose I am) true in my thoughts (=feelings), I try to show them to other people and try to be a good person and don’t hurt anyone (but I always express my dislike of behaviors
that don’t fit what I think is the best of the world). Well, I try but I recently unintentionally hurt someone and I’ll apologize very soon.
tec-goblin
Or just Nikolas (niKOlas)
PS: March 25 is a national (celebration?) in Greece. All stores are closed, so no Beloved.2 that day!
PS 2: I apologize if I said something that hurt someone in this club (except trolls). I didn’t mean it, just my English aren’t good enough to express some things correctly.
PS 3: My life is going so unbelievably good. I just don’t want to get used to this, cause it won’t be like that for ever. One other fact that makes me very happy is that there are some people (mostly girls, except my best friend Alexandros) with whom we really speak without hiding anything and speak about everything that happens to us, helping each other understand himself.